Tips for dealing with the death of your dog, cat or other animal close to you

Today’s article deals with a very delicate, painful and in many ways very difficult topic: saying goodbye to our dog, our cat or any two or four-legged love who has been part of our world and who has now left earthly life.

Each of us experiences his grief in a different way, and this is completely right and normal. That’s why we will try to understand what advice psychology experts give us if, unfortunately, the time to say goodbye to our four-legged heart has come.

We will also talk about a delicate and often controversial topic, which is euthanasia, that is how to say goodbye to your dead dog, as a mediated solution if we know that he’s suffering and experiencing pain.

Is it perhaps better to give a final, immensely painful gift to our lifelong friend to avoid him suffering before the inevitable farewell?

And what about staying close to our dog or cat for a natural end of life less painful as possible? We’ll talk about this in a few lines.

Saying goodbye to your dead dog: is there a way to suffer less?

Unfortunately, we can’t say that there is a way to not suffer or to feel better after our furry friend has left his earthly life, because we feel it in our soul, we feel like a piece of our heart is missing.

This lack is completely comparable to grieving a beloved person, so it is good to say that we will suffer a lot for this farewell.

But, as regards the grief, psychology has defined good practices that we can follow to grieve and ensure that it does not remain a constantly open and painful wound in our lives.

In particular, according to an article by Santagostino Psiche, the death of a dog, as well as having to say goodbye to any animal who is close to us, must never be underestimated.

Indeed, it must be legitimized and dealt with, because otherwise there’s the risk of developing a trauma or complicated grief symptoms after death.

In particular, a 2016 study entitled ‘My pet has passed’ examined attachment relationships and emotional distress after the pet had sadly passed away.

The participants were 73 college students aged 17 to 26 who had said goodbye to a pet, such as a dog or cat, within the past 5 years.

As hypothesized, after the animal had died, pet attachment anxiety was related to so-called ‘complicated’ grief, and was therefore more difficult to manage.

This suggests that if we do not try to manage the pain of losing our four-legged love, serious disorders such as psychological trauma or constant anxiety can arise.

How to deal with the death of a dog?

As it happens with all difficult emotions, whether it is sadness, anger, discouragement, a sense of loneliness or frustration, it is good to accept your feelings without feeling guilty or uncomfortable.

The fact that the animal of our heart has died is a painful event, which entails the development of suffering. It is definitely a difficult goodbye, from which anger, a sense of injustice, frustration for what has happened can arise, especially if in the death of the dog events or other people are involved.

But reality cannot change, just as our feelings cannot change in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, no one has a magic stick to erase that farewell and return to happiness in an instant!

We must therefore try to give a name to that feeling when you have to say goodbye to your dead dog, and accept it, without thinking of being wrong, or exaggerated, or inferior, or judgeable or anything else…

One of the most important things is to ask those around you for support. Sometimes it’s not easy, it’s true, every person is different and faces pain differently, some close themselves off more than others. Choosing to speak to a loved one cannot always be easy, because we cannot always be understood, which is why it may be a good idea to speak to a professional without any doubts.

Another thing you can do to say goodbye to your dead dog is to awaken a wonderful memory of the moments spent together, using the liberating power of words or images.

Letter to your dead dog

As seen, one way to say goodbye to your dead dog or any pet is to share your grief and remember your four-legged heart, especially the life experience and special moments spent next to him.

Writing a letter to your dead dog is a deep example. The best known and most widespread is the one that Ernest Montague wrote for his Pit Bull dog Bolo.

Here is the text taken from the Pets and People website (petsandpeople.com.au):

“Some of you, particularly those who think they have recently lost a dog to ‘death’, don’t really understand this. I’ve had no desire to explain, but won’t be around forever and must. Dogs never die. They don’t know how to. They get tired, and very old, and their bones hurt. Of course they don’t die. If they did they would not want to always go for a walk, even long after their old bones say: ‘No, no, not a good idea. Let’s not go for a walk.’ Nope, dogs always want to go for a walk. They might get one step before their aging tendons collapse them into a heap on the floor, but that’s what dogs are. They walk. It’s not that they dislike your company. On the contrary, a walk with you is all there is. Their boss, and the cacaphonic symphony of odor that the world is. Cat poop, another dog’s mark, a rotting chicken bone (exultation), and you. That’s what makes their world perfect, and in a perfect world death has no place. However, dogs get very very sleepy. That’s the thing, you see. They don’t teach you that at the fancy university where they explain about quarks, gluons, and Keynesian economics. They know so much they forget that dogs never die. It’s a shame, really. Dogs have so much to offer and people just talk a lot. When you think your dog has died, it has just fallen asleep in your heart. And by the way, it is wagging its tail madly, you see, and that’s why your chest hurts so much and you cry all the time. Who would not cry with a happy dog wagging its tail in their chest. Ouch! Wap wap wap wap wap, that hurts. But they only wag when they wake up. That’s when they say: ‘Thanks Boss! Thanks for a warm place to sleep and always next to your heart, the best place.’When they first fall asleep, they wake up all the time, and that’s why, of course, you cry all the time. Wap, wap, wap. After a while they sleep more. (remember, a dog while is not a human while. You take your dog for walk, it’s a day full of adventure in an hour. Then you come home and it’s a week, well one of your days, but a week, really, before the dog gets another walk. No WONDER they love walks.) Anyway, like I was saying, they fall asleep in your heart, and when they wake up, they wag their tail. After a few dog years, they sleep for longer naps, and you would too. They were a GOOD DOG all their life, and you both know it. It gets tiring being a good dog all the time, particularly when you get old and your bones hurt and you fall on your face and don’t want to go outside to pee when it is raining but do anyway, because you are a good dog. So understand, after they have been sleeping in your heart, they will sleep longer and longer. But don’t get fooled. They are not ‘dead.’ There’s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting it. It’s just who they are. I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs sleeping in their heart. You’ve missed so much. Excuse me, I have to go cry now.”

One of the most touching phrases is certainly this: “They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting it. It’s just who they are. I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs sleeping in their heart. You’ve missed so much.”

What does this letter convey to us? Perhaps it tells us that the pain of farewell is undeniable and inevitable. Those who lose a dog have a sort of privilege and those who have never had one lack of this privilege. It’s about being able to reawaken his memory and to feel once again the experience of warmth and love felt when the dog was alive.

Goodbye quotes for the dog who passed away

The intention is to celebrate the love we felt for our dog and we can do it through written words: sometimes reading or writing allows us to release feelings and moods that are difficult to communicate verbally.

If words do not come easy, and it commonly happens, there are farewell quotes for the dead dog written by poets and authors who have tried to describe the relationship with the lack of their best friend.

We have selected three strong quotes.

The first one belongs to the English adventure writer Walter Scott:

“I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?”

The second goodbye quote for the beloved dead dog belongs to the poet Lord Byron:

“Near this Spot are deposited the Remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferosity, and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.”

And the third one was written by the Spanish writer Miguel de Unamuno:

“Io ero la tua religione, ero la tua gloria… Se tu potessi sapere, o mio caro cane, quanto il tuo dio è triste per la tua morte… Gli dei piangono quando muore il cane che gli leccò la mano”.

“I was your religion, I was your glory… If you could only know, my dear dog, how sad your god is for your death… The gods cry when the dog who licked his hand dies.”

Each of these quotes is a farewell letter to your dead dog and is suitable for the loss of any animal.

Reading these words can be reassuring, because they underline the depth of the relationship between the human and the four-legged heart.

These are examples of famous quotations, but an intimate way to say goodbye to your dead dog can be to pick up the pen and write down words, reflections, memories, on a sheet of paper.

This can help release the pain and, at the same time, provide solace with the sweet memory of our dog.

Even if they are not farewell sentences for our pet who has gone to heaven, we share two very touching quotations that the dog trainer Chiara Festelli, who supports us in writing the articles, usually says to her customers.

“For us, dogs are just a part of our life. But for them, we are their whole life.”

“We choose to have a dog, while they don’t choose their humans, but they love us without distinction and with all the loyalty and dedication they can show us”.

What about getting a tattoo or portrait for the dead dog?

Another way to say goodbye to your dead dog is to get a tattoo.

There are many people who choose this decoration and the reason is to always carry with them the indelible memory of their friend, to keep him next to their hearts every day that we have left to live without him by our side, reawakening the memory of a special moment that brightens our day.

We can’t say whether this is a good or bad idea, because tattooing is a very personal choice.

Doing it with the image of your dead four-legged heart or with a symbol that reminds you of him, such as the dog’s name or his paw, can be a dedication, or an outburst, or a way to remember a special event experienced together. It will certainly remain an indelible sign of the strength of the love we feel for him or her, if there is the desire to always carry him with you on your skin.

Another way to remember our beloved dead dog can be through a special art form: the portrait. We can ask an artist to create it and then frame it and keep it at home, perhaps hanging it in a special place.

Dogs’ Rainbow Bridge

Have you ever heard of the rainbow of dogs? It is a very beautiful legend, a deep and very sweet story, because the rainbow bridge is actually dog ​​paradise, the place where fur babies go once they have finished their life here on the earth next to us.

It all starts from a legend whose precise origins have been lost, but which many trace back to the traditions of Native Americans, the first who seem to have spoken of a wonderful place that dogs pass through to reach eternal life.

In this enchanted place fur babies are in peace, happy and can continue to protect us by watching us from afar.

The legend says that when they say goodbye to us they walk and cross this bridge, with the brilliant colors of the rainbow and, in that very moment, we humans, knowing they’re happy and in peace, can rediscover serenity, with the consolation that that little face and tail that melted our hearts so much have found relief and will love us forever…

The place where they are now, our friends are very happy, they have plenty of water and food, they can play all day or rest when they are tired waiting for the day we join them.

Other beliefs and legends about the soul of dead animals

Are there other legends related to the place where the soul of animals goes when they die?

“Do not take the life of any living being and protect life in all its forms”: these words are part of the Buddhist tradition, according to which the animal world is one of the six possibilities of life and rebirth.

According to Buddhism, in fact, humans and animals are part of the cycle of birth and death, the Samsara. Here, most likely, in our previous lives we were animals and our animals were before human beings.

In this case, the final farewell to a dead dog, as well as to any other animal, assumes the value of a journey towards reincarnation in a new body, which can be animal or human.

While Samsara is part of a doctrine, there is a legend connected to the death of the dog and our beloved animals which is perhaps more linked to folklore. We are in Mexico for the Día de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, which is the most important and heartfelt holiday in the country.

In the days from 28^th October to 2^nd November the country celebrates the deceased who, according to the tradition, come down to earth to visit their loved ones.

On these days, particularly on October 27^th, even animals who have left earthly life return to greet their human friends who, to welcome them, can prepare an altar with their photo, their favorite food and even their toys.

According to some sources, during the night it is important to light a candle on the altar to light the way and thus make easier the animals’ journey to the family who loved them when they were alive.

How to say goodbye to a dog who suddenly passed away

How to say goodbye to your dead dog if the loss was sudden? When this situation arises it can be really shocking and sometimes more painful, because in our hearts we were not ready to face it.

So it can provoke pain that comes with not realizing what may have happened to our dog and not understanding why.

It can happen with dogs who run away from home to chase a prey and are perhaps can get hit or never found again. Or it can happen that thieves, while entering the house to steal, kill the dogs to have free rein, or let’s think about the poisoned morsels placed by despicable people…

And it can also happen that the final farewell is caused by domestic accidents, as in the case of a dog or other animals dying because they were hit while reversing.

It happens, unfortunately, it really happens, and in these cases the pain of can be even more immense, because it arrives without warning and, unlike a situation already known and accepted such as old age or illness, it can be inadvertently accompanied by other emotions which very complicated to manage such as anger, guilt, the thought of being stupid or clumsy…

Of course there are ways to try to prevent accidents, for example with fences for dogs and cats, by controlling the territory, by driving carefully.

But an accident, as the word suggests, is something that ‘happens’, it is a situation over which we sometimes may not have control and, even in this case, we must try to understand that the best way to say goodbye to your dead dog it’s accepting what happened and the consequent emotions.

How to say goodbye to an elderly dog

Saying goodbye to your dead dog is one of the most difficult things, and it takes a value linked to time, especially if our furry heart is elderly and has spent many years with us.

In this regard, we would like to recommend the film “The Art of Racing in the Rain”. Naturally we don’t want to spoil the plot, but the film tells the unique and special bond between the dog Enzo, who is also the narrator, and his family, made up of a racing car driver, his wife and their daughter.

In our opinion it’s an emotional and intense story, at times heartbreaking, as can be the life that a person is meant to live. The film is an adaptation of the 2008 novel with the same name written by Garth Stein.

During the film, very painful events happen and are narrated by the wonderful Labrador Enzo. His narration is made through his senses and his unique sensitivity, until reaching an ending where an unexpected key is given: it’s the destiny that our four-legged hearts can have once they leave the earthly world.

The film dealt with a legend that says that when a dog dies in Mongolia, as a mark of respect, he is buried in the hills so that no one tramples on his grave. Before dying, however, the keeper whispers in the dog’s ear the wish to return as a human being in the next earthly life, with the aim of teaching everything he knows and has seen when he was a dog.

As Enzo says “Sometimes my life seems like it has been so long and so short at the same time. I feel as if I’ve lived for an eternity, and yet it’s as if no time has passed at all because it was spent close to the love of my life”.

At this point, we will try to be as delicate as possible and we’ll open a quick, but necessary, parenthesis to try to fully address the topic of how to say goodbye to your dog who passed away by following an ethical and hyper-personal choice, that is euthanasia.

How to accept dog euthanasia?

An illness, a serious accident, a short and suffering life expectancy are all conditions that can manifest the will to euthanize the dog, cat or any other animal.

We won’t beat around the bush, in these cases we have to make a choice, between letting everything happen naturally or avoiding the suffering of our furry heart before an inevitable goodbye.

Assuming that the process must be suggested and accompanied by a veterinarian, we might think we would never be ready for this moment.

However, according to various evidences, the “pet mate” reaches a point where he feels he has to make the decision to say goodbye motivated by one single reason: to make his four-legged heart feel better.

In this case, how to say goodbye to a dog? How to say goodbye to a cat for the last time?

Many vets recommend staying close to him until the end, until our life partner lets himself go and loses consciousness.

In this way the last person who he will see is us, who loved him so much that we chose to put an end to his suffering, perhaps leaving aside the selfishness of having him close to us forever.

Burial or cremation? What to do after the death of your dog or other animal

In addition to trying to give you help from an emotional and psychological point of view, on how to deal with the loss of a recently passed away dog, we would like to talk to you about the following aspects. What can we do for this adorable little body once we say goodbye?

Unfortunately, there is misleading, unreliable or confusing information about this topic. For this reason, we want to suggest you to get information not only through your trusted vet, but also from your residence Municipality.

These are the questions that we generally ask ourselves: can you bury your dead dog in the garden? Is the cremation of his little body mandatory? How does it work and how much does it cost?

We wanted to know more about this topic to give you accurate information, so we got in touch with the company “Cremazioni Animali Arcobaleno”, which explained how to proceed with the animals’ bodies after their death.

The burial of your dog, or other animals, in your home garden is possible, but only by requesting permission to the municipality of residence.

Each Municipality has its own regulation and it is important to consider that unfortunately some do not allow this practice, as it can cause the pollution of aquifers.

The answer to the question of whether you can bury your dog in the garden, or any other animal, is therefore yes, but only and exclusively with permission of your Municipality of residence.

The biggest problem is that unfortunately many people do not know this aspect and, sometimes, even the Municipalities may be uninformed about the procedures to follow. For this reason, we recommend doing a cross-check, i.e. asking both structures about the rules to follow.

As we have mentioned, just like for us humans, in addition to burial there is the possibility of cremation.

It is advisable to know that dog cremation can be individual or collective. The collective one does not give back the ashes which are subsequently dispersed according to the law. On the contrary, for the individual cremation, ashes are instead given back to the owner who can also decide to place them in a cinerary urn and to always keep them with him…

In both cases, the specialized companies also take care of picking up the remains with authorized means of transport and, as “pet mate”, we can naturally attend the cremation to give a final farewell to our best friend.

The cremation of an individual dog, or of other animals, is certainly more expensive, but it gives the possibility not only of burying the ashes in one’s own garden or desired place, but also of keeping them in a small holder together with other objects of our beloved passed away pet, such as a photo of him or his collar tag.

Yet another object to always remember our lovely dog  who passed away could be to keep a tuft of his fur and tie it with a ribbon to keep a part of him over time.

We can keep it in a box like a real jewel together with the other things that belonged to him, to be rediscovered whenever we want, to awaken the precious memory of our four-legged heart.

How to cope with the death of a cat

Up to now we have talked about how to say goodbye to our dead dog, but everything we have written is naturally valid for any other animal.

When we talk about cats, however, something strange and incomprehensible happens, it seems that the death of a cat is something that generates less pain than that of a dog. Could it be due to his independence or the different approach towards his human?

But anyone who owns a cat knows the very special, unexpected and unique affection that felines can give, certainly less dramatic than that of a dog, but equally deep.

The advice for how to cope with the death of a cat are therefore the same as those we have mentioned for saying goodbye to our dead dog, that is, becoming aware of the emotions we are feeling and accepting them, despite the complexity.

Later it’s time to celebrate your friend, the time spent together, perhaps under the blanket in front of the TV licking us with his rough and ‘tingly’ tongue, when he purred or jumped into our arms in the most unexpected moments, perhaps to make us feel that, in his own way, he had chosen us as life partners.

Celebrating his beauty, his uniqueness, his very special love is one of the recommended ways to deal with the death of a cat and say goodbye to him, just like sharing the pain with those who are close to us and can understand us, especially if they have been lucky enough to have a feline as furry friend.

Books to overcome the grief of losing a pet

Are there any books that help you say goodbye to your dead dog and to overcome the pain of this difficult moment?

We found some, which we’ll mention below hoping to be able to help you:

“The Loss of a Pet” by Sife Wallace.

“Buried Deep in our Hearts” by Tracie Barton-Barrett. 

“Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate” by Roxanne Hawn.

“Bill at Rainbow Bridge” by Dan Carrison.

Yes, we would like them to live forever…

Who would want to say goodbye to a piece of their heart? Nobody.

We all wish our dog, our cat and all our animal friends could live forever and maybe they want the same for us too.

The reality, however, is that there is an earthly life and, probably, there is an afterlife where the furry hearts who left the earth and said goodbye to us now live happily watching us day after day.

It is up to each of us to try to overcome such a painful moment as saying goodbye to our dead dog, cat or life partner, whatever his species.

Because the pain is there and you should never hide it or pretend nothing happened.

We must move forward and we can do it with the relief that our little four-legged heart can now be in a place of peace, where he’s comfortable and from where, most likely, he can protect us as he used to do when he was with us on earth.

Article written with the consultancy of Chiara Festelli, Dog Trainer.